Another Yearly Adoption Update: Looking Back at Loss, Gains and 17 Years of Age

"Where there is grief there is also the chance to celebrate. Where there is loss there is also the chance to gain."

I wrote this in our yearly adoption update last year in reference to Sasha growing up too fast. We blinked and he was 16.

And now he is 17.

These words were especially meaningful to look back on this year because, while it was speaking to some of the more intangible (but still very real) losses that we go through with our children growing up far too fast, it is the very literal loss of our dear Lucy girl this past August that has hit hard in 2018. Which has left this latest update sitting in this space for too long, unable to be finished.

To be clear, Lucy is our dog, an integral part of the brother-sister duo that bonded with Sasha the minute he walked through our door. The two of them were our kids, our family, and they were the hardest part of choosing to step on that plane to head to Ukraine 4 years ago. And although Sasha tends to keep a lot bottled up in terms of emotion, there is no question that these two precious and spirited voices became an integral part of his transition. Their bond was unbreakable, which gives her death that much more power to break us.

To be honest, Jen and I are still broken in ways spoken and in ways unspoken. To be heading into this Christmas and 2019 missing a crucial piece of our family hurts. It hurts deeply. She wasn't just "like" our kid. She was our family. Period. And there is a hole that now exists where her spirit now persists. A physical hole. An emotional hole. A spiritual hole.

But what has held off the publishing of this blog most of all is thinking back and putting words to the unspoken ways that it broke Sasha. To be clear he approached the whole thing with a degree of pragmatism that has been a consistent mark of his tough, defiant Ukrainian exterior. Which is not to say Sasha doesn't display emotion. We feel lucky that he is as emotionally present as he is knowing that is not true with every adoption, even if those emotions are largely about knowing when he is happy, frustrated or angry. But for the first time since arriving in Canada we saw someone unable to hide his pain. Someone who shed a tear. Someone who arrived at the moment of her death with a very serious question formed in his own way and with his own words- why?

For the first time we saw true sadness. Sadness that we had no answer for. And even if it was only for a moment, if there is ever a harder thing to face as a parent...

So we hang onto those words, for as tough as it is to do. Where there is grief there is a chance to celebrate. Where there is loss there is gain. That is what this years update looks to do as we recognize our journey as a family, Sasha's journey towards turning 17 years old.

17 YEARS OLD!?
Did I just say 17 years old!? If you don't mind me saying, that is a bit ridiculous. I could easily just cut and paste last year's blog and place it directly into this space with all of our exasperation included... except this time with all caps.

17 YEARS OLD!

Last year was a year where we noted a contrast between our deep set fears (new school, new grade, new era as we watched him undeniably shedding his skin and becoming a man-child in front of our eyes) and our celebration (excelling in his new school, getting an award, getting involved in new things). In fact, looking back at last years blog we ended it on a rather poignant note of unabashed optimism. These were our fears, but this was our reality. And this kid is simply soaring and parenting right now is a piece of cake...

That was in October. Reality came crashing back to earth pretty quickly in November. Sasha signed up for basketball and we got our first taste of a sports schedule (otherwise known as the deepest pits of hell). With our schedules in complete disarray some of Sasha's grades started to plummet. Exhaustion set in at home which meant tempers were flaring, family time was complicated and attitudes (on all of our parts) were becoming a serous challenge.

And all of that snowboarding time that was supposed to occupy the winter months at one point in time? I think he made it out once.

But a dose of reality can also be a good thing. And so with maybe a more balanced (wiser?) perspective this year, and looking back on the hopes and dreams that came out of last year's blog, here are some of the things we can look back on with a smile :)

1. More snowboarding... on the heels of more PAINTBALLING
Sasha is back in basketball, but I think all of us (hopefully) have a greater awareness of what lies ahead. Which (also hopefully) means we can strike more of a balance with his interests this year.

And truth be told, where Sasha is normally all over the map with what it is he is interested in or how he desires to use his time, this past summer saw him, I think for the first time since coming to Canada, actually narrowing his focus towards something very particular- paintballing.

I still remember how for his very first birthday in Canada we all went paintballing. I remember because it hurt. A lot. And I think I might still have those welts. I definitely have the nightmares of those bullets and fearing for my life.

For some reason though that kid who I recall running onto the field like Rambo with his gun point in the air and firing with all abandon likes the pain (hey dad, I used up all my paintballs in 60 seconds, can I borrow some of yours... yes, Sash, please take all of my bullets). He bought some gear and became a known fixture of the weekly Splatter's paintball rec club (going on to get an award for best mentor at the end of the season) every Sunday afternoon. I think this dedication will go a long way in helping him find that discipline he need to make snowboarding an equal part of his routine over the winter.

2. More Lobster... and more movies
Often times it is the little things that mean the most. Last year we wrote about his love for seafood and cooking Lobster and his love for heading to the theater. Movies are my territory and my investment (Aquaman has been circled on our figurative calendar for a long time now). Cooking is his mom's territory, and on top of having a special birthday outing to his favorite restaurant (Red Lobster), some of the best moments have been our daily walks through the grocery store where he will get so excited at the prospect of bringing home a specially selected choice of seafood to cook.

Well, maybe it doesn't get his mom and dad as excited (as Sash confidently stands behind the stove and declares "alright let's do this..." followed by an exasperated "mom!!! How do I do this"... then followed by a 'hey dad!!! you know you want some. It's so good. Hear try some. Just a little..." No Sash. I most definitely do not want any.

And did I mention that smell... learn how to use the fan and open a window sometime Sash.

3. Forget lifeguarding... and school for that matter. The kid just wants a job.
Lifegaurding was a bust. Sash won't admit it, but we are confident in saying he threw his final test after getting frustrated with the communication of his teacher. And he has zero interest in going back or revisiting the conversation.

HOWEVER, if you can picture this. Our kid in a pair of over sized steel toed boots, a lunch kit in hand ready to head off to catch his bus to go to work. Yep, that's right. He got his first real job this summer thanks to a willing friend who welcomed him onto his construction site. And the kid was beyond thrilled. He was elated. So much so that he exclaimed "why am I going to school when I can be doing THIS!"

Don't worry, he's still in school. And did we mention on his last report card he had 90's in all of his courses? Did we also mention that basketball starts this week :)

Just keeping on that reality check.

4. From Youth to Knoxville
Last year we talked about the loss of Sasha's youth leader (who moved to B.C.), who was in many ways the closest thing he had to a mentor. It was a transition year as new faces came on to continue to group, and as a family youth and Church is something we have tried our best to stay invested in together.

This year the group has grown by leaps and bounds with a bunch of new and young faces coming of age. But it also brings with it a bit more clarity to Sasha's age. He is approaching that age where fitting in somewhere in the community at Church is going to become harder and harder. There is another adopted family at our Church who recently watched their child graduate as well, and so we know the challenge of navigating that space in between is all too real. Our hope and prayer in these moments now is that there are roots taking shape that can hold that space together for Sash in the coming years no matter how big it might get.

But for now, it was quite exciting for us to be able to send Sash down to Knoxville this past summer for our denomination wide youth conference. It was his first experience with something that big and a road trip of that nature. And man did the kid get handed a dose of setbacks. A really, really painful experience with swimmer's ear stole much from his ability to participate and enjoy those memories. But we are grateful, and again hopeful as we watch him slowly closing that gap between 17 and 18 (yep, he's going to be 18 for his ENTIRE graduating year... just in case this slow transition from middle years attitude to teenage attitude needed any more of an accent) and approaching youth and Church with a fresh set of eyes that he has these leaders and this community around him in the way that he does, and in ways that he might not even fully realize yet.

5. Driving... or maybe not driving... or maybe drivingSasha completed driver's ed, got his learners and was all on board the driving train (independence baby!). And then he got in a couple accidents. One not so serious, one that was serious enough to write off our car and send me to emergency (we are all okay).

As a testament to his current resilience, that $1000 price tag to renew his license this December hasn't deterred him from getting back behind the wheel. It has complicated this whole parenting thing though. There is a big part of us that wants to swoop in and pay that off for him (you know, with that secret stash of money that we have hiding in our upstairs dresser... everyone has a secret stash of money, right?). The other part of us feels like we need to let him work through it.

It's enough to prompt plenty of discussion surrounding Jen and I's different upbringings and our own knee jerk reactions to times like these when it comes to knowing how to parent. We like to think this is where marriage brings a perfect balance after the discussions "weigh" themselves out. We also like to think sometimes that parenting a teenage child is a breeze. You know, in that alternate reality that we like to live in :)

Reality checks can be good things. If everything was predictable and easy it wouldn't be interesting. And in the end we all benefit (I think) from our own willingness to just jump into this life we sometimes call a disaster with both feet all together. That's what they say love is made of after all.

6. From Ukrainian food stores to Ukraine
It's Christmas. Sasha knows to expect by now a stocking full of Ukrainian goodies. It's just what we do. This year has seen plenty of trips to the Ukrainian food store, which is always one of our favorite things to do together. But what has also been on the table, and being brought up with continued reference, is potential plans to take Sasha back to Ukraine after he graduates. It's something we have been talking about for a while, but the closer it gets the more it seems to be taking shape as a reality. So even though it is a long way off, if this year proved anything it is that the excitement and anticipation for making that a reality seems to be making its way more and more to the forefront of our family time together. And with all that Sasha has seemingly lost or shoved under the rug in terms of his heritage and past, to hear him speaking a little bit more Russian from time to time these days and to see him wanting to go back is incredibly meaningful for us. So here's to plenty of time to plan for a couple people that are not great planners! :)



The Path Ahead Towards Independence
In closing last year's blog we wrote this-
"There is no one path that has to be followed and no single cultural norm that must define him. And we hope this year that, as his parents, we are able to help play a role in freeing him up to live into his reality with freedom and grace."

It's a fitting hope and prayer for this year as well, especially as we hurdle towards his 18th year of being a human. I can tell you definitively, that one of the most challenging pieces of seeing him turn 17 is knowing that those dependent middle years we took for granted (in so many ways) actually have a shelf life and that we are now definitively parenting into the great unknown of adulthood and independence. Challenging in a challenging way, but challenging in a good way. Yes, it's hard to begin to let go a little more each day. It's hard to embrace the constant changes. And as changes go, it seems near impossible on some days to deal with the losses, especially when they hit so close to home in such tangible ways. But we embrace all of that trusting that God is at work somehow and in someway in his life and ours, continuing to build this thing we call a family. And as we learn to trust we learn to cherish more and more. He's 17 YEARS OLD, which means another year to celebrate with this man-child as he continues to find his way towards independence.

So, with that, much cheer and eggnogg to the year that lies ahead.

3 Years and Counting: An Update on our Adoption Blog

3 Years And Counting
As we approach 3 years as a family (October 8^th is the day our adoption became official), it is hard to believe that our Sasha just turned 16.

Hard to believe or is it hard to accept? Likely a bit of both.

Last year we noted a young boy growing up far too fast. Watching him turn 16 makes this “growing” up feel more like a demonstrable fact. The boy is now a man. Or, as Jen likes to affectionately say, he is now our “man-boy”.

Celebrating Our Man-Boy
One of the things Jen and I both struggled with over these last few months was knowing how to celebrate Sasha’s 16th birthday. It felt like a milestone, and yet we also questioned whether he needed or wanted a big celebration.

We decided to ask Sasha. He gave us the same answer he seems to have for most things these days, which is “I don’t know, whatever, it doesn’t matter. You decide”. Feel free to throw in an incomprehensible teenage mumble for full affect.

And so we rolled the dice and went for something casual and small. A movie that he really wanted to see followed by supper at one of his favourite places- Red Lobster

To be honest though, I missed the excitement of the last few years, the way his eyes lit up at the idea of having a birthday. The way he anticipated it for months and had it circled on the calendar. I felt this way when he arrived in Canada, and still do, but it seemed to me that there was a part of him that was making up for lost time, for the birthday parties he was never afforded growing up in the orphanage and as a child. And I found myself questioning why (and if) this excitement had to end.

The 16^th Birthday
If you will allow me a bit of an aside, I found it interesting to look into why (and when) the 16^th birthday came to be viewed as a milestone over the years. What I discovered is that it owes its significance to an older Spanish rite of passage that celebrated (primarily) a young girl becoming a woman and being asked to embrace the responsibilities of adulthood (often) at a relatively young age.

In a similar way, this “rite of passage” developed later in North American culture at a time (of varying degrees of economic pressures and global unrest) when children were forced to start contributing to the family farms and businesses (as part of multi-generational households) at much younger ages than they do today. This changed though in the 1950’s as North America discovered a newfound sense of optimism and prosperity. Kids were now given the chance to grow up, families started to get smaller, and children attended school for longer periods of time.

Fast-forward to our present age and many of the old markers that used to define what it meant to become an adult are far less defined and recognizable, with many staying “dependant” well into their twenties and thirties.

And yet even when we aren’t expected (or forced) to “grow up” too fast, culture, no matter where we find it, always seems to deem it necessary for us to tangibly pass from, as one writer put it, “innocence into adulthood”, whatever that happens to look like in a particular time and place. For us in North America it might officially be recognized as 18 years old, but 18 is a process that unofficially seems to begin at 16 with the onset of high school and electives, a drivers licence and, in the context of Sasha's school this semester, a Life Planning course.

Speaking of his Life Planning course, Sasha’s excitement over the prospect of independence that came out of a project on budgeting life skills saw him looking to (pretend) to rent from a middle-aged man and his two cats that he found on Kijiji who enjoys smoking “in” the house and desired “company” to share his house with. When I pointed out to Sasha that this sounded somewhat sketchy and less than ideal, he explained, “but dad, its $500!! Great deal”.

Here’s to hoping adulthood doesn’t involve accidentally rooming with serial killers.

But back to idea of passing from innocence into adulthood. This remark has been resonating with me. Having a 16 year old son admittedly does make it feel like something has tangibly changed, as if time has found a way to say here, “now” he is an adult.

But does growing up mean that we must abandon our innocence? After watching Sasha over the last 3 years I am not convinced that it does.

Reclaiming Our Innocence

If Sasha has taught me anything over the past three years (and he has taught me much, to be sure) he is modelled what it looks like to experience and live through the harshest parts of our world, the stuff of life that forced him to grow up faster than he should have, without letting go of his ability to wonder, to still be a kid.

It is timely actually that I recently finished delving into the life of Walt Disney, a man who embodied this similar challenge in his life. This was a man driven to many grown up vices who allowed himself to still wonder with the heart and mind of a child. This was a man beaten down by the Church who continued to find ways to pray in the silence of his own personal space.  This was a man caught up in the limitations and corruption of the grown up world who refused to be defined by the path that the world insisted he must take in order to be successful. He dedicated his life to reclaiming innocence, first in his own life, then for the children who embodied this innocence, and lastly in the life of the “grown ups” who needed a place to rediscover it or themselves.

He reminded me of Sasha, and it was no surprise for me to learn that Walt gave much of his life to international adoption. But what gets me most excited is that both of them also remind me of Jesus, who once said that to know God we must get to know the heart and mind of a child, and more than that we must become like a child.  

Yes, Sasha might have outgrown his wrestling matches (my body is thankful but my heart is sad), and is long past being comfortable with us tucking him in, reading him a bed time story and praying with him at night. He is growing ever more aware of what people might think of him going to animated movies with his father. But the very fact that he found a way to move to Canada 3 years ago and was willing to seize an opportunity to make up for lost time tells me that reclaiming innocence is not only possible, it is necessary for living.

It was necessary for that 13 year boy discovering the simple thrill of roller blades for the first time, smiling wide as he felt the wind and the freedom of the road passing by as he rode “as fast as I ever have in my life”. Or the 13 year old boy coming to discover this thing called Halloween and diligently practicing how to say “trick or treat” in his thick Ukrainian accent in the back seat of the car. It was necessary for that 14 year old boy who would still be thrilled by all of the toys that lined the walls at Dollarama, and it was necessary for that 15 year old boy who would still find room to build bow and arrows out of sticks and debris in our back yard.

And it is still necessary for that 16 year old who over the last few months still manages to let it slip from time to time that deep down he is super excited about birthdays and Christmas, even if he is not completely sure if he wants to show that excitement outwardly.

To which I would say, be excited Sasha. Keep reclaiming that innocence. See the world with wonder, and never stop no matter how old you get. And don’t let anything in this world tell you that you can’t. You are not required to follow the same old cultural footprints that the world says you need to follow to in order to “grow up” and become a man. Do it on your own terms. And do it with the spirit’s, that childlike spirit we are called to embody, guiding.

I can imagine feeling isolated and uncertain about who he is and where he should be in the whole “boy becomes man” narrative. I can imagine because I lived through it myself. What I can’t imagine is needing to learn how to do that in the midst of all of the experiences that mark his past. No amount of time can change the level of awe and respect that both of us have for this kid, a kid who keeps showing us how to face this stuff with such courage and dignity and strength without giving in, without giving up. The truth is, Sasha has experienced things that have matured him far beyond many his age. And as he officially becomes a “man”, the most exciting thing for me is watching him struggle to not let go of that hopefulness, that childlike wonder that was stolen from him all those years ago.

Where We Grieve We also Celebrate

It is in the midst of all this that we also acknowledge that another year has gone by, and that does mean Sasha is taller, older, and changed from who he was a year ago, ready or not (and no, we are not necessarily ready).

A friend of ours recently expressed the idea that parenting is one long process of learning how to grieve. You live in the moment and suddenly you blink and that moment is forever gone. This is not something we were prepared for when we became parents. It’s not something we were necessarily told when we decided to become parents. But it is something that has definitely been proven true. And when it comes to an international adoption of an older boy, there is a sense in which this sort of grieving is fast tracked.

But of course, as Jen rightly added to this conversation, where there is grief there is also the chance to celebrate. Where there is loss there is also the chance to gain.

And so as we prepare to mark 3 years as a family, I have found it worthwhile to look back at the year that was by revisiting some of the hope and expectation that we had for this man-child and our family, and then in this same spirit of childlike wonder, hope and expectation, offer a glimpse of where our adoption journey finds us heading in the year ahead. 

Hopes and Expectations

1.   Find ways to further explore his Ukrainian past and heritage while helping him grow into his future as a Canadian citizen
No longer having the Saturday morning Ukrainian language and culture class and no longer being in Ukrainian immersion has made it tough to see this hope realized, but there is still opportunity to reinvigorate this anticipation in the year to come. We have found a few smaller ways to help keep investing in this at least. Such as our trips to the Ukrainian/Russian food store that is just down the street from where we live. Jen has remarked many a time about how this is one of her favourite things to do, as it is so wonderful to see his eyes light up when he walks in and is able to pick out his favourite nostalgic treats.

How he sees dried squid as a treat I have no idea, but hey, if it floats his boat I can put up with the smell.

The second has been investing in a couple of opportunities to reconnect with an old friend from his orphanage in Ukraine. He does live a good distance away so this requires planning, but it is time that we continue to cherish. I know that on our first trip down Sasha gave his friend a matching necklace, a symbol that no matter how much distance and how much time happens to separate them they are still connected in spirit and experience. If ever there was a gesture from a “child” that could be more adult, more mature than this, I’m not sure I could find one.

2.   Build new memories and new friends as he starts at a new school and enters the challenges of grade 9.
This was likely the biggest transition of this past year for Sasha, and it was a challenge that he both met and excelled at. We had so many fears about how this transition was going to work. We wondered about where he was with the English language. We wondered about commuting him a lengthy distance to a social community of students that lived nowhere near where we lived. We wondered about the support he would get in class and if he would be able to keep up.

After the first day of school we found out his counsellor had made sure every class he was in had an EA. They also organized his course load so that he would have a “working” spare to help him keep pace with the rest of the students. And the result? Honour Role grades with minimal to no adaptation along with a surprise letter this past week that informed us Sasha will be receiving an award for his 2016/2017 school year. Way to go Sasha! Just don’t expect him to admit that he actually cares about school.

3.   Build on our current routines and traditions
We are now more aware than ever that Sasha is someone who needs structure. Our best guess is that much of this stems back to being formed by life in the orphanage where the clock was kind of irrelevant. But after three years he still doesn’t do well with the idea of choice, free time or with plans changing. A calendar, a GPS and a detailed agenda have been good tools for us to navigate this, but last year I think we both felt like he could use a bit of encouragement to break out of that box, if only a little bit.

But at the same time Sasha’s need for structure has also afforded us a great opportunity to invest in routines and tradition. Over the years we have been able to create these things in both small and big ways. On the bigger end, a couple of trips to Toronto have created a lasting and positive memory with going back to Niagra Falls, with a stop at the hot sauce store of course. He always resists travel to anywhere, but this is one place that always finds a spark in his eye. Equally so has been getting him used to our trips down to Minneapolis, which we did again this summer, along a recent trip to Duluth for snow boarding that now sees him pining and planning for the opportunity to do that again this winter.  

On the smaller side of things, while summer is of course the season of ice cream runs and walks through Kildonan Park, nothing tops his love for Christmas and Halloween. This opened up doors for us to really dress up the season with cooking and baking nights, decorating and other festivities last year. Hopefully we can tackle another perogy making blitz again this year. In truth, he has been game for anything in these two seasons as long as it does not involve pumpkin.

And of course one of my favourite activities is taking him out to the movies on Tuesday nights, a routine that I hope stays alive for a long time. It probably should since that Life Planning course also saw him budgeting $100 for movies, his only entertainment option on the list. Like father like son.

One last significant thing to mention is Sasha’s summer at camp. Once again he spent some time at two different camps, a nice tradition to keep investing in. Only this summer he also had the opportunity to sign up for something called the Branch program. During the course of the program he spent the first few days doing some backwoods camping while they trained him to be a counsellor for the junior camp at the beginning of the summer before staying for his own week of camp after that. This occupied him for the first three weeks of the summer, and from what we heard he did extremely well and fostered a greater relationship with life at this camp. We are hoping it stays a part of his summer traditions. 

What’s Ahead

So what does the remainder of 2017 and 2018 have in store? Of course we really have no idea, and that is probably a good thing… I think. 

One thing I do know though is that even three years in to this adoption journey it is still good to be reminded that adoption has its own unique challenges and opportunities when it comes to building a family together, and that it is just as important now as it was before to be asking the right questions about who this 16 year old kid is who has added so much into our lives, because the truth is we never know when the silent pieces of his past might resurface and affect his (being) present, and that means the most important thing we can do is continue to listen and to learn, never make assumptions, and always be willing to adapt.

With that said, I think we can point to a few things we are anticipating in the coming year:

1. More snowboarding
It looks like this winter will hopefully include another trip to Duluth. He had so much fun on the hill it will be great to get him back for a second go around. And maybe this time they will have the fat bike rentals up and running (last year the weather kept them off the hill) so that I can join him. Because I can’t stand upright on a snowboard for the life of me.  

2. More Tuesday night movies
Mom doesn’t always enjoy going as much, but for dad and Sasha it’s hard to keep us away. And I love that he gets so excited about the old fashioned theatre experience.

3. Red Lobster dates
It turns out that Red Lobster is not the best restaurant for gluten free dad. And even if it was, Lobster and shrimp are not at the top of my list of foods I willingly consume. But mom shares Sasha’s fondness for shrimp for sure, and that seems to have turned into an opportunity for a few dates nights down the road.

4. Swimming Lessons and Lifeguarding
Sasha has committed himself to the life saving program at one of our local pools. The hope of completing this course is that by next summer he will be a certified lifeguard, something he hopes will translate into job opportunities.

5. More and more interest in getting a job
Which leads us to mention the notion of him desperately wanting a job. In the Life Planning course, one of his assignments is to put in a certain number of “working” hours and to write about it. This shouldn’t be hard because all he talks about is getting a job. Speaking of growing up too fast, on our end we would love to see him still be able to enjoy his youthful summers (before he gets enough money to begin looking at sketchy apartments), and we are definitely not pushing him to feel like he needs to start working. But he seems determined and at the very least taking some of the steps needed to get into the working world soon. Stay tuned…

6. Youth
Sadly Sasha lost an important mentor in his life, his youth pastor, to a job half way across the Country this year. The youth group at our Church is small but it was an important part of his daily routine. He will be missed. But thankfully there are a few others that have stepped up and we are hopeful that he will be able to find more positive mentorship in the months ahead.

7. Boxing Club
It looks like this year Sasha will be joining a unique program that is being run through his school- a Boxing Club. It comes with high praise and is hugely popular as a program. It is more about learning physical skills and having the opportunity to stay active than actually getting pummelled, but we are hopeful it will become a new part of Sasha’s routine as well. 

8. Driving
Yep, you heard that right. Sasha is taking drivers education starting this November. He technically could have signed up last year, but he was a little apprehensive about it back then. But he seems eager to go. Us… well, we will just try and stay off the roads in the meantime.  

Growing Up With Freedom and Grace

“Different cultures in different time periods have different ideas about when exactly a teenager goes from being an older child, to being a young adult.”

So with all this said, perhaps the most hopeful thing about the coming year for us is that Sasha finds ways to hold on to that childlike heart that has come to characterize him over the last few years. There is no one path that has to be followed and no single cultural norm that must define him. And we hope this year that, as his parents, we are able to help play a role in freeing him up to live into his reality with freedom and grace.