Next steps

As Mother's Day came and went, I (Jen) must admit that I am glad it's over. Every year since journeying through our fertility struggles, Mother's Day has become more of a day of grieving rather than celebration. Of course, I love my moms (Linda and Sue) and thank them for raising me, but there is definitely a sadness as the day approaches.


The day after Mother's Day did, however bring some excitement and joy back into our lives as we learned that our papers came back from the province (finally), our dossier is complete and is at the Ukrainian Embassy in Ottawa where 22 documents will approved and stamped. The next step after Ottawa is to send it to Kyiv, Ukraine to the SDA office (this is the department of social justice where all inter-country adoptions are processed).


Once Ukraine approves our dossier, they will phone us for an appointment to start the child selection process.


What kinds of documents have we been working on? Here is a brief (heehee) list of the documentation we've had to gather in order to complete the dossier.


1. Homestudy x4. One for our Carman home, the last three for our Winnipeg home. Confusion about some of the information in the home study set us back while it was being approved by the province.

2. Criminal Record checks x3. These documents expire after 90 days so they were continually renewed.

3. Child abuse check x 2. These expired and had to be redone as well.

4. Dave and Jen's medical check which is a very lengthy process. The Ukraine requires us to be tested for HIV and syphilis. As well, the Ukraine has little to no knowledge of Dave's celiac disease so he currently has to return to the doctor so they can rephrase the wording on the medical document in a way that makes sense in translation. The biggest obstacle to these appointments was having to reschedule appointments to ensure every piece of the document was done up in the right way... including making sure it was signed in "blue" (not black) ink. It took me over three weeks to finish this one!

5. Submitted our why we want to adopt letter

6. Immigration papers needed to be filed. 60 pages of stuff I barely understand that was like doing a worst case scenario tax and financial assessment.

7. Real Estate letter because the Ukrainian government requires us to provide the size of home with exact dimensions of the living space including our back yard.

8. Financial records including 2 letters from our bank stating we are in good financial standing...

9. An autobiography from each of us and how we will raise our future child including disciplining, extra curricular activities, religious influence and plans for education.

10. Photos of us, our extended family, our house and each bedroom, back yard and the school the child will be attending.

11.Letters of employment with exact wording specified from Ukraine.... (A huge shout out to Agnes and Terri at PRSD for patiently formatting 5 different ones for Jen.:)

12.Personal references three from each of us. Thank you to our references who were contacted numerous times:)

13. Passport info and renewal

14. Nine other documents

Paper cuts galore!

We are grateful that after what has felt like four months of no movement in the process that things finally feel like they are moving forward. For as much as it is exhausting to have to trudge through more appointments, more signatures and more paperwork, it is a welcome feeling to reach the next stage and to see it pushing forward. Certainly prayers and thoughts will be appreciated for:
a) the ongoing turmoil happening in the Ukraine
b) the courage and patience to face the financial weight and expectations that come with adoption (we were reminded of this after writing our final cheque to the Winnipeg adoption agency)
c) the courage to face the prospect of being parents to our still unknown child and the changes that will bring to our home and our lives.

The biggest question we find people asking is how the events in the ukraine are affecting our adoption process. The short answer is we don't know. The adoption agency doesn't really know. All we can really say is that if we were leaving today we would still go. Things are still operating as normal in Kiev in terms of the day to day government operations, which is perhaps the most important and relevant part of our process. The only change is the orphanages in the areas of eastern ukraine that are directly affected right now will remain off limits for potential adoptees. As the days move forward we are keeping a close eye on how things develop and certainly keep you all updated.

Why We Want to Adopt

We've posted a letter that we wrote to the government of Ukraine as they have asked us, "Why do you want to adopt?" As I (Jen) re-read the letter, I was moved once again, at how deeply we desire a family, no matter how it happens or where each of us is from. Whether it be a place of loneliness, strong heritage and culture, a place of peace and joy, we desire to bring it all together and live a multi-colored life we call family.

                              Why We Want to Adopt:

One of the primary reasons we decided to pursue adoption was because of our struggle with infertility. However, our desire to adopt started much earlier than those struggles. Our influence came from growing up in a family that fostered, providing a home and a relationship for kids who did not have parents/siblings. 

Together we also provided care for younger and older aged kids in foster homes during the early years of our marriage, and spent time working with a local program in government child services and other programs that worked with youth of different ages. Through this we got to know a good number of kids who had their own stories of being adopted. Throughout our marriage we also encountered others who had adopted or who were in the process of adopting and working through struggles with infertility. This opened our eyes to the idea that families can exist and happen in many different ways other than natural birth. 

It inspired us to see the joy of the process of adoption, and to embrace the unique challenges and opportunities that come with it. One of the unique things that we loved about the adoption process was the opportunity to give someone a home that otherwise didn’t have one. It also provides a chance to engage with a child’s own culture and history, and to be able share some of our own. Being involved with the hope of adopting has taught us that we have the means to offer what we have (a home, a family, a safe place to grow and discover who they are, unconditional acceptance and love) and it is a privilege to be able to do so in whatever way we are able.

Personally, especially given our struggle with infertility, we would love to be able to expand our family and home. It is tough looking at our empty rooms every day and feeling the longing to have that space filled. We want to adopt not only so we can offer a home to our child, but to engage with their own world and heritage. Given that the Ukraine is a part of our larger family heritage as well, we see an exciting opportunity for our child’s heritage to connect with our own in a meaningful and helpful way. We are very excited to be parents to our child and to have a child as a part of our family and home. We have dreams of building traditions as a family, of sharing meals together, going on outings and attending school functions. We have dreams of being our child’s biggest cheerleader and giving them an opportunity to be whoever they desire to be. We dream of seeing their gifting and passions lived out in school, in relationships and in their adult life.

For as much as these are things we can give and offer to our child, we also recognize that these dreams represent what the child can also offer us. We have been growing through this process and understand that every kid is unique and every adoption is different. We are excited about the opportunity to discover and learn what makes them uniquely them, and to patiently grow in our understanding of who they are and what their specific needs are. Our greatest dream is to simply know what it means to give and love without abandon no matter who our kid is, what their history is or what specific needs they have, and we are grateful that this process and opportunity is giving us the chance to know this.

Dave and Jen Courtney