Why We Want to Adopt

We've posted a letter that we wrote to the government of Ukraine as they have asked us, "Why do you want to adopt?" As I (Jen) re-read the letter, I was moved once again, at how deeply we desire a family, no matter how it happens or where each of us is from. Whether it be a place of loneliness, strong heritage and culture, a place of peace and joy, we desire to bring it all together and live a multi-colored life we call family.

                              Why We Want to Adopt:

One of the primary reasons we decided to pursue adoption was because of our struggle with infertility. However, our desire to adopt started much earlier than those struggles. Our influence came from growing up in a family that fostered, providing a home and a relationship for kids who did not have parents/siblings. 

Together we also provided care for younger and older aged kids in foster homes during the early years of our marriage, and spent time working with a local program in government child services and other programs that worked with youth of different ages. Through this we got to know a good number of kids who had their own stories of being adopted. Throughout our marriage we also encountered others who had adopted or who were in the process of adopting and working through struggles with infertility. This opened our eyes to the idea that families can exist and happen in many different ways other than natural birth. 

It inspired us to see the joy of the process of adoption, and to embrace the unique challenges and opportunities that come with it. One of the unique things that we loved about the adoption process was the opportunity to give someone a home that otherwise didn’t have one. It also provides a chance to engage with a child’s own culture and history, and to be able share some of our own. Being involved with the hope of adopting has taught us that we have the means to offer what we have (a home, a family, a safe place to grow and discover who they are, unconditional acceptance and love) and it is a privilege to be able to do so in whatever way we are able.

Personally, especially given our struggle with infertility, we would love to be able to expand our family and home. It is tough looking at our empty rooms every day and feeling the longing to have that space filled. We want to adopt not only so we can offer a home to our child, but to engage with their own world and heritage. Given that the Ukraine is a part of our larger family heritage as well, we see an exciting opportunity for our child’s heritage to connect with our own in a meaningful and helpful way. We are very excited to be parents to our child and to have a child as a part of our family and home. We have dreams of building traditions as a family, of sharing meals together, going on outings and attending school functions. We have dreams of being our child’s biggest cheerleader and giving them an opportunity to be whoever they desire to be. We dream of seeing their gifting and passions lived out in school, in relationships and in their adult life.

For as much as these are things we can give and offer to our child, we also recognize that these dreams represent what the child can also offer us. We have been growing through this process and understand that every kid is unique and every adoption is different. We are excited about the opportunity to discover and learn what makes them uniquely them, and to patiently grow in our understanding of who they are and what their specific needs are. Our greatest dream is to simply know what it means to give and love without abandon no matter who our kid is, what their history is or what specific needs they have, and we are grateful that this process and opportunity is giving us the chance to know this.

Dave and Jen Courtney